Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
