you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
