I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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