i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
