There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
