Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
