My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
