Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
