I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
