In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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