I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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