just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
