Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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