Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
