she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
