i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
