It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
