I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
