My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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