who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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