The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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