Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
