Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
