You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
