it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
