Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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