and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
