Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
