I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
