I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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