I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
