haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is not my ceiling
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
