I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
