the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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