I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
