My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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