im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
