God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
