Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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