Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
