I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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