ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
