maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
