Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
