I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
