Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
