I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
