five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
