Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drunk is not a location!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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