READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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