i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
