guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
