I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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