Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
