so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
