i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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