There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
